I often find myself watching youtube videos on ways to improve or benefit my mental health, now sometimes they seem like hoaxes: an example: wash your pillowcase every second day so your pillow thoughts aren’t stained to the pillow. I’ve been trying to improve wellness by journaling everyday, when it gets down to it I only really seem to do it twice a week. I find myself fighting with the words I’ve written emphasizing the words to try and write only things that I won’t regret writing in 5 years. Which counteracts the whole purpose of it.
I feel guilty when I’m faced talking about my feelings and emotions. I think that started with always being terrible at talking about it. My therapist tells me that “sometimes you just have to get it out before it eats you alive”. Which honestly puts a damper into my opinion on things, you never should be afraid to stand up when you need to, speak about how something hurt you, or even talk about things that have been on your mind. I grew up afraid, I’ve been afraid of a lot of things my entire life. I’m sure one day I won’t be afraid, but for now I think I’ve adapted to being afraid. Part of me always has a constant fear which could be anxiety but I feel now more than ever I’m comfortable with the idea of being scared. I’m scared to open up when I need to. I could probably hold in every thought I've ever had and then refuse to speak about it. I blame myself for a lot of things that go wrong. I think that if I just keep my mouth shut and never speak on these emotions, then no one will get mad or I won’t be at fault. Until recently, when my mental health was destroyed for numerous reasons I spent a month in bed crying everyday, stopped eating, showering, working out, and when I say this everything. I felt isolated within my own thoughts and these emotions that I was incapable of speaking about because no one has really ever listened when I talked about this stuff. I feel like a burden, and my friends who have been there for me this last little bit listening to me be a broken record repeating over and over. Thank you, because not only have you guys helped, you’ve helped me acknowledge the fact that my voice deserves to be heard.
Mental health is something that we shouldn’t be afraid to talk about, we should be able to stand up and speak about it without any judgement. We run from these feelings, but in reality we should be able to have conversations with the people around us when we are struggling. Never let the fear of being judged stop you from being able to get help, or even speak your thoughts to someone around you. Personally I would rather stay up with someone all night long then attend your funeral. Everyone's voices deserve to be heard, these thoughts inside our heads that are consuming our mind we need to let out. We preach about letting shit go, but we should be preaching letting things out when it’s the only thing on your mind you need to breathe, write it out, speak it out, and honestly remember that you are not alone, you are not a burden. Remember it’s okay not to be okay.
These are a few tips I’ve personally found over the last few months to help me when I am unable to get my mind off things:
Count back from 20, if you're still thinking about it while counting you are a magician.
Create two separate journals, one for all that negative stuff, and one positive one.
Connect with friends, send that message to them checking in.
Read, and turn your phone off or if need to keep it on do not disturb.
This is my new but favourite one, I’ve been keeping my phone on Do not disturb more throughout the day then I keep it on.
Also, when at the gym keep your phone on silent and only feel the need to look at it when you’re changing the song or watching tiktoks on the stairmaster.
Be mindful of these emotions, if you need to cry let it out. If you need to scream into a pillow, let it out.
Okay, now this one has been my secret for years but save a pinterest board of happy dogs, motivational quotes, and sometimes even throw in some food recipes you’ve always wanted to try.
Somethings are out of your control, people leave, feelings get hurt, it’s easy to sit and dwell but pick up the pieces because at the end of the day all this shit happens so we can become stronger and realize the people who are meant to be here will be.
Another trick my therapist taught me, schedule 30 minutes a day where you can swallow in self pity, but after that 30 minutes is over do a power stance focus on the other things you need to get accomplished and TAKE A BREATH.
YOU ARE MORE THAN YOUR MENTAL ILLNESS AND YOU DESERVE THE BEST IN THE WORLD NOW GO OUT AND CHASE YOUR DREAMS.